Modern Zombies Only Please, Pre-1929 Need Not Apply.

Having done a fair amount of research for our book "The Zombie Bible", I'm quite amazed that popular culture has fed us with so much dis-information regarding the ominous and shuffling "Living Dead".
So to clarify, here's the history;
"Zombie" is a modern adaption of a Haitian word (Zonbi or Nzumbe). Time magazine claims the original official use of the 'modern' word to be in William Seabrooke's 1929 novel, The Magic Island.
When Victor Halperin directed The White Zombie, in 1932, the name was permanently etched into modern Hollywood history. The film starred Bela Lugosi, of course.
So, the Victorian grave above, so often labeled with a 'Zombie' tag, is far removed from any such possible references to the modern view.
As a preventative against vampires, maybe.
As a precaution against corpse re-animation, Mary Shelley-esque, quite possible.
But as a definitive defense against 'Zombies', sorry, the facts don't pan out.
In actual fact, the headstone in the picture seems to be quite ornate, so the addition of a cage to prevent thievery is far more plausible.
Anyway...
For a modern take on Surviving the Zombie Holocaust as a Zombie, take a look at "The Zombie Bible". Only 99c on eBooks, and available on paperback on Amazon Stores.

Modern Vampire Warning in Serbia

A Blood-lusting Vampire is on the loose in Serbia.

Yeah, when local papers carry stories about vampires, they’re laughed at, or at least given a polite condescending smile. But when a story makes it all the way to the AP (Associated Press) and is on the USAToday website, you’ve got to give it a closer look.

In Zarozje, western Serbia, the town council has given out an official vampire warning.

The story of Sava Savanovic is a Serbian legend, a fairy tale, like Robin Hood or King Arthur. But the Serbs take Sava very seriously indeed, indeed claiming that the man was the very first vampire.

Centuries ago, Sara lived in a mill, and drank the blood of those who came to mill their corn.

The mill was bought by an enterprising man who showed tourists round the ruins in daylight. No one dared stay there at night. The mill owner never maintained the property, fearing that any alteration would curse him forever.

People in the region have indeed died in strange circumstances, but none have claimed to have seen the vampire at work.

When the mill fell so far into disrepair it fell down, the warning was raised.

Sava Savanovic was on the loose, driven from his home, in search of new digs.

Full story here;

http://www.usatoday.com/story/news/world/2012/12/01/vampire-serbia/1739615/

Vampire High School goes Paperback!

At last, we've managed to get Vampire High School into paperback format.
It took longer than it should have done, but books 2 and 3 will follow very shortly.
Our thanks go to Carolyn Pinard for editing, to Morgan Chilson for knocking my head against a wall and dislodging all the wayward passive voices, and to all our friends and family who have been so supportive, yawn, yawn, yawn.....
We are so proud of these books, we promise you'll enjoy the finished atricle.
Click the cover to go directly to Createspace to order, or wait a week for Amazon.com and Amazon.co.uk to get them in stock.
Thanks guys.
Ian and Lachelle

Global Climate Catastrophe; Glaciers Retreat!

I have no idea why no one has noticed this fact, or if the Climate Scientists are in the bag for big oil.
Glaciers in North America have retreated to some ASTONISHING degree.
It's incontrovertible, it’s measureable, and it’s ON OUR DOORSTEP.
A series of Glaciers, that once covered the whole of the mid-west basin in North America, HAVE RETREATED.
They are not there anymore.
Their waters have been dumped into the basin caused by their millennium of movement, and FIVE NEW Lakes have been created.
(Takes a breath)

Now the above information is incendiary, but it shows beyond reasonable doubt that the world has been warming for the last 10,000 years.
Why should it stop?
Never! It’s not going to. It’s a trend; a 10,000 year trend.
The world’s coming to the boil!
(Takes another breath)

To make matters worse the five new lakes now account for 21% of the world’s fresh water, giving the North American continent an unlawful percentage of water, which will ultimately be the world’s new power source.
It is ridiculous to think that a continent, which uses 26% of the world’s oil, should have such a great monopoly on the world’s fresh water.
(Takes another breath, holds hands on hips and tries to get rid of the stitch in my side))

Okay, I’m all out of sarcasm for the moment. But on a serious note, a bunch of climate scientists have recorded a cooling pattern in the last five years.
Have you heard that? Nope, it doesn’t make for good newspaper copy; it doesn’t get Climate Scientists grants because it doesn’t threaten anyone. It’s not inflammatory, incendiary or radical, so therefore it’s not ‘news’.
Presidents blame drought/flood/storms on Global warming, even when they know it’s not the reason. It just helps/aids/advances their political agenda. We don’t need that kind of leadership anymore.
In the last few years, we’ve learned that politicians lie.
From the recent leaks in the Global Warming community, we now know that some scientists also tell lies.
Let’s stop knee-jerk philosophies that are mired in political tar pits and financial gains.
Let’s stop preaching to kids that our car’s emissions are killing polar bears, while the global polar bear population has doubled since the 1970’s.
I have to stop. I could go on forever.
I hope I made you think. I mean, as a people, we can’t be at war with ourselves, just for the sake of it.
Can we?

Zombie Bible Shows the Path to the Vaccine.

A Brand New collaboration hits the eBookshelves.
The premise? If the chances of being a zombie (after the apocalypse) are 99 out of 100, then why not write a 'Survival Guide' for the actual zombies.
If you have a far greater chance of being a zombie than a human, then why not plan for such an eventuality.
This is exactly what the 'Zombie Bible' does.
First, we set up a series of plans to deal with your oncoming zombie-hood.
Then we examine the processes necessary to survive to the end of the apocalypse when the helicopters deliver the vaccine.
If it were a roast beef dinner, the 'Zombie Bible' would be a huge cut of funny steak, covered in sarcastic gravy, but with a side order of common sense vegetables, and a good cold, straight-talking beer.
Only 99c (77p) in most eBook stores.
Click on the cover to go directly to Amazon.com.

Traditional Scottish Curried Lentil Soup; for Diabetics too!

A healthy choice, but no foo-foo, just a great recipe for traditional Scottish Curried Lentil Soup.
And this is a carbohydrate adjusted soup for diabetics (like me) but leaving out just carbs, not TASTE!

Ingredients; 1lb carrots, 1 lb Rutabaga (turnip/neeps), 1 cauliflower, 4oz RED lentils, 1 Onion, 4 chicken stock cubes (buy Pollo mexican, they're cheaper.... see, told you I was Scottish)
(For Tomato and Lentil soup, just add two tins chopped tomatoes at the start, and reduce water by 1 pint)

Method; Bring to boil 3 pints of water with the stock cubes. Chop Carrots, Rutabaga, WHOLE cauliflower and onion; add to the boiling stock, cover, and boil sharply for an hour. Turn down the heat, and add RED lentils, boil GENTLY for an hour, stirring frequently.

That's the soup ready..... for wimps!
(Or traditionalists; The soup is actually ready to eat at this point, and totally traditional Scottish fare.)
And for diabetics, the cauliflower tastes just like the potatoes that "should" have been added, but the carbs have been almost totally wiped out.
(Yes, I know that lentils, carrots and rutabaga have carbs, but not much.)

Now for the 'special' ingredients;

You can add....... 2 tablespoons curry powder..... for Curried Lentil Soup.
You can add....... 5 tablespoons curry powder..... for REALLY Curried Lentil Soup
You can add....... a huge dollop of A1 sauce, Worcester sauce, (or any other stuff you might think appeals).
Parmesan cheese is good, ginger spice, turmeric, saffron, absinthe, ground mammoth tusks, rhino horn; whatever warms the cockles of your heart.

And whatever you do, DON'T listen to the idiots that think you can make this with any old lentils.... I'm a Manchester United Supporter.... THEY HAVE TO BE RED LENTILS!!!
(Please trust me on this... I don't have shares in the "Red Lentil Co."; crappy green/brown lentils taste like dirt when they're cooked.)
For more recipes, look at the last post, or hit the "Soup Yourself Thinner" book, on the carousel on the right.

Carbohydrate Intolerance; How Diabetics can cope.

Carbohydrate Intolerance is one of the new buzzphrases that seems to catch the ear.
"What's it all about?" I hear you say, right on cue.
Basically, a person suffering from Carbohydrate Intolerance can't process carbs efficiently. Not that a 'normal' person would notice, of course, there's no symptoms, you don't turn green overnight or anything.
Some diabetics notice though.
Some of us have the double whammy; Diabetes AND Carbohydrate Intolerance.
If you have both these conditions, even a small amount of carbs can knock the blood sugar of a diabetic over the 200 mark for as long as 18 hours, thus rendering their whole day a catastrophe.
Your blood numbers stay high, despite your seemingly great efforts.
I found out the hard way; I tracked my carb intake, and set out to make carb-free soups; that soon outlined the problem. My blood numbers fell almost overnight.
So, I didn't waste any time; after three months of great sugar numbers, I'm telling you all the secret.
Inside the book, there's my personal story, then the soup method explained in depth, then a bunch of delicious soup recipes. (And a couple of stews and chili's too)
Click on the book cover to go straight to Amazon.

Scottish Vampire; Braveheart with Fangs!

The Scottish Vampire; is there room in this already littered genre for such a story?

I, personally, think there is.

Scottish mythology is filled with fairies, water sprites and banshees, perhaps this is the vampire myth coming to rest on the heather-covered hills.

The Irish Banshee is transfered to Scottish culture as the Baobhan Sith; the Ba'van-shee.

According to legend, once a year, the Ba'van-shee rises from her grave. In the form of a beautiful woman, clad in a green flowing dress, the creature roams the woods and forests by night to feed on young men.

Sometimes acting alone, they also combine into hunting parties, seducing men into drink and dancing, ultimately drinking their blood.

Sure sounds like a vampire legend to me!

Anyway, I'm currently 40,000 words into the project, and wondered what the cover would look like.

I'm not sure that Mel Gibson would donate his picture, but he does look good with fangs!



Wedding Tiaras and Circlets

Yup; making bridal crowns is actually what I do for a living.
Just thought I'd take a breather from the selfless plugging of books and all things Scottish to give you a glimpse into my "day-job".
I make bridal and renaissance crowns and circlets.
All are made from scratch, made to order, and are customisable into any shape, style or color you can imagine.
You'll find them at www.perncirclets.etsy.com
AND, if that wasn't enough, we're having a 20% off sale on our artfire shop;
www.thyme2dream.artfire.com
Come on into the shop, take a browse around, and even get a bit of bling to take away!

More Balls (Bollocks) than Braveheart!

"More Balls than Braveheart?" I hear you say. But it's true.
"Bollocks!" I hear you say, having seen the newest Newcastle Brown commercial.
(Bollocks is actually a double edged compliment; it can mean good and bad stuff)
So, back to the blog.....
Mel Gibson (The Braveheart part) only took on the meagre English Army.
(And the French were beating them... they were almost relegated to Army Division two!)
Anyway...
Calach (Calgacus), the leader of the Northern Celts (Scottish) fought the might of the Roman Empire...
And won!
A true story, steeped in intrigue, shrouded in mist, covered in blood, and smelling of bulls*#t.
Ok, it's "my" interpretation of what I think could have been the true story.
(But well researched, just the same)
The true story of Scotland's first hero.
Let's face it; something made the Romans build Hadrian's wall; and it wasn't the need to keep the sheep out!
Caledonii. Birth of a Celtic Nation; available on eBooks wherever they're sold.
Parts 1-4 now available.
Part 5 being written as soon as I finish this blog.
Yours
Ian Hall

RE-VAMP the Vampire!

We decided that we'd re-vamp (get it? RE-VAMP) the whole set of covers for the 'New Blood' thing. This is the first; we hope you like them.

A bit more drippy blood, and what vampire doesn't like fresh drippy blood?

Check us out wherever you buy your eBooks.

Apple, Nook, Kindle, Kobo, Sony.

Slake your world-wide blood thirst!  

Beware; Vampire Wars; Now a Trilogy!

Our vampire series; "Vampire High School", becomes a trilogy.

This time the fight escalates into a full blown war.

Two distinct vampire groups, one led by Alan McCartney, one by his mother, are vying for the same real estate.

Enter the Helsing organisation.... eager to exploit the war to the full.

But even they cannot forsee the consequences of such an action.

Vampire Mandy, and Vampire/Helsing Lyman are in the thick of it again.

Vampire High School Book 3: The Rage Wars; available in all eBook stores.

Just click the image to go straight to Amazon for a free look inside the book.



Vampire High School. Book 3: The Rage Wars

This is the new cover for volume three in the vampire High School series.

It's officially a trilogy, but of course, we're already 20,000 words into writing book four.

http://www.amazon.com/Vampire-High-School-Book-ebook/dp/B0075YZRZM/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1335295680&sr=8-1

Book one is also being turned into paper copies very soon, we are like expectant parents....

Alien Corridor : The New Cover Art

Alien Corridor. This is the new cover, I hope you all like it.
Linda Fields,
at http://www.sparkinspirepublishing.com/
is the artist, and there's a story to the whole thing.I met Linda through a
jewelry sale (my 'real' work), and we hit it off immediately. She writes, and
has some amazing artwork too.I looked at her work, and was so taken by this
image, I wrote a scene in 'Alien Corridor' which was set in this mysterious
house at the edge of the lake.Much later, I then told Linda about the scene,
and she promptly offered me use of the image.A few negotiations later, it
was mine.It does, however pose a serious problem.... it does raise the
bar.Now all my other covers have to be brought up to the same
standard.Click on the pic to go to my amazon books.

A link between Celts and Vampires?

A link between modern day vampires and the Celts?
Well that link may just have arrived. We published our Vampire High School last month, and it jumped into the Kindle arena with fists flying.
We sold a few, and got some nice comments.
But I also published part four of my Celtic series;
Caledonii: Birth of a Celtic nation.
So, a link between celts and vamps?
It looks like its me.
Come and see me on Amazon, or whatever eBook shop you frequent.

The Kindle Short, & Why You Should Write One

Hi. This is a book telling you why you should be writing Short Stories or Articles for Amazon Kindle.

It is detailed, and has at least 25 fantastic tips on doing exactly that.

It is witty, informative, and incredibly incredible.

It was written by perhaps the premier author at his current address, and in the opinion of his ever present Jack Daniels, "can not be improved apon".

Further facts can be gleaned by soaking the cover of the book in Methanol, and hanging out to dry in a completely Carbon Monoxide atmosphere.

We hope that the above has been as informative as we intended it to be, and wish you all a very goodly day.

(The writer of this blog disassociates himself from the above, because it got progressively more "Monty Python-esque" as it went on.

Publish Your Article or Short Story On Kindle; 25 Tips To Get You Online & Selling"

IT DOES EXACTLY WHAT IT SAYS ON THE TIN!

Vampire High School (Book 1: Gregor Academy)

An exciting NEW format by the new collaboration of Ian Hall and Lachelle Miller. Not only a new Vampire series, but a whole new way to write!
The critics may have thought there was nothing new in the “Vampire genre”, but this book proves them totally wrong.
Gregor Academy in North Arizona, has one main problem, it’s got a small population of vampires, hiding in its academic ranks.Page one of this fast-moving vampire hunt, has Alan McCartney being murdered by a local cheerleader. This is big enough news at the best of times, but when they both turn out to be vampires, and the act happens on the steps of the school at the Friday-night ball game, it’s hardly a private matter.As the students flee the scene, the only person running to Alan’s aid, is his friend, geek Lyman Bracks.
So; a brand new two voice, super-fast paced vampire adventure is ready for you to devour.
Ian writes from the perspective of Lyman Bracks, Alan’s best friend as he is dragged kicking and screaming into the world of Vampires and Helsings.
Lachelle Miller writes from the perspective of Mandy Cross, the cheerleading vampire who has Alan’s blood on her hands, down her chest, and smeared all over her smiling face.
This is the first book in the new ‘Vampire High School’ series.
The second book, ‘The Henson Diaries’, is expected out in Kindle early in 2012.
Vampire High School (Book 1: Gregor Academy) ; Available at Amazon.com and Amazon.co.uk for the measly sum of $2.99.

Ancient Scottish Celts Fight the Ninth Legion

Lowland Scottish Celts try to stand and fight, but they are swept aside by the two legion invasion. Selgove and Ordovice are bowled over like so many pins in a game. Yes, part four of my Roman Scotland series, is now out on Kindle, Nook etc, and will be available for Apple, Sony, and Kobo very soon.

After five years of preparation, the Roman's finally north into Scotland. Calach has vowed to help the lowland clans, and his small force is immediately drawn from all the northern clans.
They quickly assemble, but will they arrive in time to stop the Roman menace?

Caledonii: Birth of a Nation. Book Four: The Romans Invade; Available at Amazon.com and Amazon.co.uk for the measly sum of $2.99.


AND~ between now and Feb 20th 2012, you can enter to win the first 3 books in the Caledonii series free- click on the avatar below to head over to our friend Aquariann's blog and enter today:

The Battle of May Island, Jan 31st, Scotland 1918.

The Isle of May; Firth of Forth Estuary. Tranquil. A bird and seal sanctuary.

But on the evening of 31st January, 1918, it was the site of one of the biggest Royal Naval disasters in Scottish history.

On this dark and foggy night, two fleets of ships and submarines set out from Rosyth naval base, bound for Scapa Flow, and exercise "Operation EC1". A mission so secret, even the normal Royal Navy minesweepers had no idea it was happening.

To avoid German u-boats, they travelled dark, just one light on.

The line of ships and submarines on the surface stretched thirty miles.

But as they passed the Isle of May, submarine K-14 veered to miss a minesweeper, and was hit by K-22, and sank. Then the Battlecruiser, HMS Inflexible, hit K-22, taking her bows clean off. HMS Fearless led the next flotilla, and hit submarine K-17, which also sank immediately. Fifty-six men made it to the surface, waiting to be rescued. Battlecruiser HMAS Australia narrowly missed K-12, then K-6, swerving to avoid, hit K-4, cutting her in half, sinking with all hands, only after being hit by K-7 on the way down.

Then, as if there hadn't been enough bloodshed, a whole fleet sailed through the area, battleships and destroyers, churning the surviving men of K-17 to pieces.

270 brave sailors died that night. 2 submarines sank, four severely damaged.

On their way to an exercise.

This whole macabre disaster was kept secret till the 1990's.

It reads like a scene from the Whacky Races, but what a tragedy.

For a complete list of the K-class (Kalamity) submarines, and their mishaps, take a look at this blog...

http://jamieleith.blogspot.com/2013/11/k-class-submarines-and-battle-of-may.html

Thank you all for your interest.

Ancient Rome and the Scottish Celts

Scotland 80AD. We read in the writings of Tacitus, that the celts were a backward, barbaric race.

Anything civilized in the country came from Rome.

Yet look at the craftsmanship in this beaten copper shield. (Dated 200BC)

It was obviously nailed onto a wooden back for strength, maybe even had a spike in the middle boss.

The celtic swirls and leaf pattern is mirror image perfect.

The simple act of making the beaten copper sheet to begin with is quite astonishing for something that is 2200 years old.

FBI, Assault Rifles, and Salem Witch Trials

As a writer, I am usually very particular when it comes to detail. I remember researching Colt AR45 assault rifles one day. The cost, manufacturers codes, cost on the second hand market.
Then! It suddenly occured to me that I might be getting monitored by the FBI or something.
Just because I wanted my writings to be as correct possible.
So... I am currently working on a vampire novel set in Boston, 1700. (Yeah, I know, everybody does one, but to qualify, I have to do one too).
My main character had to find help to track down his latest vampire foe. So, looking for inspiration, I researched the govermental figures.
Who did I find?
Governor of Massachusets, William Stoughton.
Might not ring an instant bell, but here's what excited me.
William Stoughton was the primary Judge in the Salem Witch Trials, in 1692/3. So, not only had I settled who was the governor, but also... my vampire-hunting character in Boston, 1700, might have a friend in high places.
And, let's face it, all vampire-hunters need one of those.

New Covers for Succubus and Aliens

New covers for two of my collaboration projects on amazon.

Succubus Song; Available at Amazon.com and Amazon.co.uk for the measly sum of $0.99.

Alien Insurrection. Part One of the Reset Series; Available at Amazon.com and Amazon.co.uk for the measly sum of $2.99.

Romans Invade Lowland Scotland

"Women, Children and Minorities effected most."

In two separate incidents, two legions of the Roman Empire invaded Lowland Scotland yesterday.
The local tribes were given no warning in this unprovoked attack, and a written protest would have been submitted if they'd had a written language at the time.

Cries of "Terrorist" were screamed from the southerly ramparts as thousands of Scots were unceremonially put to the sword. Scholars cried; "Nemo me impune lacessit." and stonemasons immediately sprung into action to record the phrase.

In a statement to the Scottish press, their leader Julius Agricola said this; "We don't care; you are as carrion, who should be swept from this glorious Isle"
I paraphrase, of course.

On a more local level; Ian Hall's fourth volume of the Roman invasion will soon be available in Kindle form.

Traditional Scottish Lentil Soup. (Curried) Curry.

A healthy choice, but no foo-foo. This is repeated for the fans who flock to the recipe.
Just a great recipe for traditional Scottish Lentil Soup.
Great for the cold winter nights.
Ingredients; 1lb carrots, 1 lb Rutabaga (turnip/neeps), 1lb potatoes, 4oz RED lentils, 1 Onion, 4 chicken stock cubes (if in the USA, buy Knorr Pollo mexican, they're cheaper.... see, told you I was Scottish)
(For Tomato and Lentil soup, just add two tins chopped tomatoes at the start, and reduce water by 1 pint)
Method; Bring to boil 3 pints of water with the stock cubes. Chop Carrots, Rutabaga, and onion; add to the boiling stock, cover, and boil sharply for an hour. Turn down the heat, add chopped Potatoes and RED lentils, boil gently for an hour, stirring frequently.
(NEW PART) Liquidise half the soup. Just half. You can do it with a full food processor, or just a plunge blender.
So now... That's the soup ready..... for wimps!
(Or traditionalists; The soup is actually ready to eat at this point, and totally traditional Scottish fare.)
Now for the 'special' ingredients;
You can add....... 2 tablespoons curry powder..... for Curried Lentil Soup.
You can add....... 5 tablespoons curry powder..... for REALLY Curried Lentil Soup.
You can add....... a huge dollop of A1 sauce, Worcester sauce, (or any other stuff you might think appeals).
Parmesan cheese is good, ginger spice, turmeric, saffron, absinthe, ground mammoth tusks, whatever warms the cockles of your heart.
And whatever you do, DON'T listen to the idiots that think you can make this with any old lentils.... I'm a Manchester United Supporter.... THEY HAVE TO BE RED LENTILS!!!
(Please trust me on this... I don't have shares in the "Red Lentil Co.")